Frequently Asked Questions About Family Law from the Experienced Domestic Attorneys at Kurtz & Blum

In North Carolina, you are legally separated when you and your spouse live in separate residences with the intent to end the marital relationship.

There’s no need to file paperwork to be considered legally separated. However, both the physical separation and the intent to separate must be present. Simply sleeping in different rooms or staying elsewhere temporarily does not qualify.

Yes, you can still move forward with divorce if reconciliation doesn’t work—but it depends on the circumstances.

North Carolina defines the resumption of marriage as a true renewal of the relationship, not just an isolated event. This means:

• Occasional intimacy during separation does not restart the separation clock.
• Spending a night together does not automatically cancel out the separation period.
• Moving back in together and resuming the marriage (sharing finances, daily life, etc.) will restart the one-year separation if you separate again.

It’s not uncommon for spouses to try to work things out during separation, and North Carolina law encourages reconciliation. However, if you truly want to resume your marriage, you may need to restart the separation period before filing for divorce.

No, both spouses do not have to agree to separate or get a divorce.

In North Carolina:

• Only one spouse needs to intend to separate. As long as you live separately and apart, the one-year separation period can begin.
• After one year of separation, either spouse can file for divorce—no agreement is required.
• However, before leaving the marital home, it's important to take legal precautions to avoid claims of abandonment.

An experienced attorney can help you navigate separation and divorce while protecting your rights.

No, a separation agreement is not legally required to file for divorce in North Carolina. However, having one in place can be helpful.

A separation agreement can:

• Resolve key issues like property division, spousal support, and child custody without going to court
• Prevent future disputes that could lead to costly and time-consuming litigation
• Reduce stress by providing clarity and structure during an emotionally difficult time

While not mandatory, a separation agreement can make the divorce process smoother and more predictable. 

No, you don’t have to wait a full year to address alimony or property division.

As soon as you and your spouse separate, you can:

• File for Equitable Distribution (property division), alimony, or post-separation support.
• Negotiate a separation agreement to resolve property and financial matters without going to court.

By the time your one-year separation is over, many of the major issues can already be settled—making the final divorce process much simpler.

No, an affair does not automatically qualify you for divorce in North Carolina.

However, you may have legal options, including:

• Divorce from Bed and Board – This is a court-ordered separation based on marital misconduct, but it is not an absolute divorce.
• Alimony Claims – If your spouse’s affair caused financial harm, you may be able to seek alimony based on marital wrongdoing.

To file for an absolute divorce in North Carolina, you and your spouse must have lived separately for at least one year with the intent to remain apart.

No, you don’t have to hire an attorney to get a divorce—but doing it yourself comes with risks.

North Carolina offers a Do-It-Yourself Absolute Divorce kit through the Clerk of Court, but court staff can’t help you fill it out. The process may seem simple, but even small mistakes—like filing incorrectly or missing key steps—can result in your divorce being denied.

More importantly, filing for divorce without legal guidance could mean giving up important rights. If issues like property division, spousal support, or child custody aren’t properly addressed beforehand, you may lose the ability to bring them to court later.

A divorce attorney ensures everything is handled correctly the first time—protecting your rights, avoiding costly mistakes, and giving you peace of mind.

In North Carolina, you must be legally separated for at least one year before you can file for divorce. Once you file, the divorce typically takes about 60 days or more to be finalized, depending on the court’s schedule and whether the case is uncontested.

While the waiting period before filing is fixed, the timeline after filing can vary.

The cost of divorce depends on your situation.

Divorces can involve multiple factors, including:

• Child custody and support
• Spousal support/alimony
• Property division (equitable distribution)
• Emergency hearings or restraining orders (in some cases)

Because every divorce is different, the cost varies. At Kurtz & Blum, PLLC, we bill only for the work we do—at an hourly rate—with detailed monthly statements so you always know where your money is going.

For the final absolute divorce, we may offer a reduced flat rate in certain counties, including Durham, Franklin, and Wake. Other counties may be hourly or flat-rate, depending on local procedures.

Call us to discuss your case, and our experienced attorneys will guide you through your options.

In North Carolina, marital property generally includes any assets or debts acquired by either spouse after the date of marriage and before the date of separation.

This means:

• Property acquired before marriage is typically considered separate property
• Property acquired after separation is also generally considered separate, but can also be subject to distribution depending on the character of the property.
• Marital property is what gets divided in equitable distribution during divorce

However, there are many exceptions to these general rules. Certain assets may be partially marital and partially separate, and how they’re treated can vary. That’s why it’s important to speak with a family law attorney who can evaluate your specific situation.

Yes, alimony is available in North Carolina. It depends on the financial relationship between the spouses.

To qualify, one spouse must be considered financially dependent, meaning they can’t meet their reasonable needs without support from the other spouse.

Whether alimony is awarded (and how much) is decided by a judge after a hearing where both parties’ incomes, financial obligations, and circumstances are reviewed. The court has broad discretion in determining whether to award alimony, for how long, and in what amount.

In North Carolina, child custody can be decided either by agreement between the parents or by a court order, depending on whether the parents can resolve the issue on their own.

Here’s how it typically works:

• By agreement: Parents can work out custody terms and present a consent order to the court for approval.
• By court decision: If no agreement is reached, the parties must attend mediation. If mediation fails, the case will go to court.
• At trial, the judge will determine custody based on what is in the best interests of the child, and the court has broad discretion under the law when making that decision.

Whether by agreement or court decision, having an experienced attorney can help ensure your child’s needs are represented.

In most cases, a child’s opinion does not decide custody.

Custody disputes can be stressful for children, and courts generally prefer to protect them from involvement. Children should feel secure with both parents and not be put in a position where they have to "choose" one over the other.

However, in certain situations, a judge may consider a child’s preference—especially if the child is mature enough to express a well-reasoned opinion about where they want to live. Even then, the final decision is based on what the court determines to be in the child’s best interests, which may not always align with the child’s wishes.

If you and your child’s other parent can’t agree on a visitation schedule, the court can step in to establish one.

In North Carolina, most custody cases require:

• Orientation and court-ordered mediation before going to a hearing (unless there’s an emergency).
• A judge’s decision if mediation doesn’t result in an agreement.

While your attorney can’t attend mediation with you, meeting with them beforehand can help you prepare for key issues. If mediation fails, your attorney will present your case to a judge, who will issue a custody order that both parents must follow.

A family law attorney can help you navigate this process and fight for a fair custody arrangement that protects your child’s best interests.

Without a custody order or notarized agreement, both parents have equal custody rights.

If one parent is refusing visitation or you believe the other parent should not have access to your child, legal action may be necessary. The courts aim to protect children from being caught in a custody battle, but if the other parent is acting unreasonably, you should consult a custody attorney to determine your options.

Depending on the situation, you may need to:

• Request an emergency hearing if your child’s safety is at risk.
• File for temporary and permanent custody to establish clear legal rights and stop the back-and-forth.

A family law attorney can help you take the right legal steps to protect your child and secure your custody rights.

Yes, you can handle child custody and visitation without going to court—as long as both parents agree.

The best way to do this is by creating a Custody Consent Order, a legally binding agreement that outlines visitation and custody arrangements in detail. A family law attorney can help ensure the order is properly drafted, preventing future disputes and misunderstandings.

While verbal or informal agreements may work in the short term, they don’t hold the same legal weight as a court order. If custody issues arise later, a well-drafted agreement can protect both you and your child.

In North Carolina, child support is calculated using fixed guidelines set by state law. The amount is based primarily on:

• The combined income of both parents
• The number of children
• Certain allowable expenses, such as health insurance premiums and work-related childcare costs

Once those factors are entered, the guideline amount is automatically determined. Other personal expenses—like rent, debt, or lifestyle—are generally not considered in the calculation.

Yes, both child custody and child support orders can be modified in North Carolina—but only if there has been a substantial change in circumstances.

Examples of changes that may qualify include:

• A significant increase or decrease in a parent’s income
• A change in the child’s needs or living arrangements
• The passage of three years since the entry of the last child support order

What counts as a "substantial change" depends heavily on the facts of your case. 

In North Carolina, grandparents have limited visitation rights—and only in specific situations.

The most common scenario is when there is an ongoing custody dispute between the child’s parents. In that case, grandparents may be able to intervene in the custody case and request visitation.

However, if no custody action is pending or if the family is intact, grandparents typically do not have an independent right to seek visitation.